Vampwolf.

vampire: So I'm dating this cute girl but there's one problem...
vampire's friend: don't tell me...
vampire: yes, I bit her
vampire's friend: why?
vampire: well we were in my mansion, and stuff was going real well. And we were making out and I saw her neck. I couldn't resist it, it looked so appetizing.
vampire's friend: and she left you?
vampire: no, she's cool with being a vampire.
vampire's friend: so what's wrong?
vampire: you can't take your minion to be your mistress. Its not kosher.
vampire's friend: You're not kosher.
vampire: What do you know about vampire's?
vampire's friend: I was the one who bit you.
vampire: But you're a werewolf
vampire's friend: and a vampire. A vampwolf
vampire: yeah yeah.

I am the Buddah

Prove me Wrong

Dinosaur Joe is back!

There's been a sad lack of dinosaur joe lately. I aim to fix that. I already have done 3 new posts, just make sure to remind me to do more

A Minor Argument

George:You suck
Sir Greg: No you do.

A major argument

Jacob (to Joseph): theres an article on Yahoo about a guy who found a missile launcher in his yard
Joseph: Let me see!
Jacob: No (opens up a flash game)

10 minutes later

Joseph (at the top of his lungs): Missile Launcher!
Joseph: Missile launcher!
Joseph: Missile launcher!
etc.

An average argument

Emma and Lillian need to clean their room. It takes a while for Emma to come down

Lillian: Why did it take you so long to get down here? Bad boy!
Emma: I'm not a boy
Lillian: Well now you are because you didn't come down fast enough.

Emma begins screaming

We be Ghost Huntin'

For all you readers in Provo/Salt Lake (which makes up all of you... except for Professor Howdy) ask me to sing the Ghost Huntin' song.

Action Movie!!!!!

Hero picks up a syringe of white gooey stuff

Sidekick: What's that?
Hero: Pure raw DNA

Hero injects himself with it. His legs turn into goat legs and he grows goat horns.

Sayterman: Let's roll

WWMD?

What would Macgyver do?

The difficult conversation

Now son, I know you think you're all cool in those ripped jeans, but its dangerous. I probably should have told you this earlier, but now is also a good time. Girls jump in holes. And when they jump in holes they may get pregnant. And if the holes are in your clothes that means you're the father. And I don't want you to be a father son. Its a bad idea. Trust me here you'll regret it for the rest of you're life.

clolism

And Zijjo said let there be clols and various text that made him clol appeared

Oh Snap!

Reporter: Which muscles do you mainly strengthen
Body Builder: I workout all my muscles
Reporter: even your cheek muscles?

False Advertising

So PAM is used to make things not stick to the pan. So why does it make your sandals sticky when it gets sprayed on them?

Bear pact

Some of you may have heard of a kid being killed by a bear recently. Don't let this make you think all bears are ruthless tyrants over the woods killing children as they please. Bears resigned this barbaric ritual long ago.

It used to be a favorite pastime of bears to kill children. But them humans invented weapons. Not only could the humans now fight back but it also proved to the bears that humans were intelligent enough not to deserve to be killed. So they made a pact to not kill any children or adults for that matter.

But not all bears follow this pact. This rare despicable bears are shunned by bear society once they break the pact. It may have been to the killer bear's benefit that people hunted him down and shot him. For a bear without friends is a miserable bear, indeed.

What a loser

The humor of the situation is that the man has no face.

A sad story

Once there was a princess who was in love with a frog. Every day she sat by the pond and pondered about its dashingness, hoping that the frog would one day approach her and tell her he loved her. This eventually happened. The frog also added that it was once a prince, but a curse was put on him and the only way it could be broken was by a princess's kiss. The princess gladly kissed him. The frog stayed the same and the princess died because the frog's skin was poisoned. The frog let out a big laugh and hopped into the sunset, ready to find new ponds where there were new princesses to kill.

If only

John Moore: Oh my god, J-Rock is flying.

wouldn't it be awesome if he actually said this and J-Rock was in fact flying.

Chiltingham knock off

A conversation came to me in my head and I saw that it was awesome

Tim: Dude, this burger tastes like God
Joe: Are you making some bad metaphor of how good it tastes?
Tim: No, its about average as far as burgers go... it just tastes like God
Joe: As in the deity?
Tim: Yes
Joe: And if you somehow killed God and cooked him he would taste like this burger?
Tim: Yes
Joe: Here let me try.
he bites into the burger
Joe: Dude, this tastes like...
Tim: God?
Joe:...yeah

*gasp*

I've made two posts in one day! How could I do such a blasphemous thing to the name of blogging? People shouldn't have more than one thought to post. It just shouldn't happen. But now I'm ranting, so I'll leave you to be.

Crap I just realized this makes three posts in one day. *slams head on keyboard.*

I'm so misunderstood.

No one understands the subtlety of my humour.

Immune System Cancer.

I'm sorry to say that you have Immune System Cancer (ISC). ISC is a dreadful disease that well... turns your white blood cells into tumours. If ISC goes unnoticed the tumours grow so large that they make the infected spontaneously explode in a very painful death. Fortunately for you, you do know about it and you can be able to prolong the inevitable (Because if you don't die of something else first, you will spontaneously explode.) In order to help prolong the inevitable I have made a list of dos and don'ts

Do...

... become fat. A larger body can hold larger tumours. Now this may bring up other help problems, but you'll probably spontaneously explode before that will be much of a problem

... get sick a lot. While they are tumours white blood cells still do their job. Well they fight off germs they won't grow. And if the germs are particularly bad, they might make the white blood cells shrink a little. You can get sick and become fat at the same time. Just make sure all the fatty foods you eat are particularly dirty and infested with germs.

Don't...

... get AIDS. You think that since AIDS weakens normal immune system it would weaken infected ones. This however is not the case. In actuality the HIV mimics the white blood cells and becomes tumours. This results in near instant explosion

... become anerexic. Since this is the direct oppisite of "Do become fat." I don't need to say much. Just don't do it.

Mystery Solved!... Or is it?

Well, I found out why the wall sucker was being tortured. Its also the answer to every other question in the universe. Babies. Evidently some of the striped fish had babies and they were paranoid that the big different fish would eat their babies when hes really a harmless soul who only eats nutrients on the wall of the fish tank. But now that the babies are big they don't mind him being anywhere besides that wall, they just ignore him.
One question (that I didn't state earlier) remains; why do the striped fish chase eachother? I think they're training for the potential wall sucker threat, although he poses no threat at all. If only we all could be understood.

Fish Tank Drama

There is drama in the fish tank in my biology room. The tank contains striped fish and a fish that hangs on the wall sucking who knows what off of it (we will refer to it as the wall sucker.)

The wall sucker usually stays on the wall on the left side of the fish tank, barely ever moving, but yesterday it moved a lot. I first noticed that it slid along the wall a little. I considered this a privilage to see this and sat down as the bell had rung. Later on I noticed it was on the front wall. To me that was the most amazing thing ever. It never was on that wall. But the most amazing thing was about to happen. The wall sucker started swimming! It swum over to a rock and attached itself onto there. Soon after a striped fish swam up to the wall sucker. He lunged at the wall sucker but didn't quite hit him and backed up. The striped fished lunged again and again until the wall sucker cowered into his usually place.

This can only mean the wall sucker is an exile. Why he is I don't know. Is it because hes a different soul who just can't fit in and the tyrannous striped fish force him to stay in one spot and yesterday he had enough and had an uprising? Or is it that hes a monstrous ogre and threatens the well being of the striped fish and the striped fish just keep him in line? I will get to the bottom of this mystery, and discover why theres this drama of exiles and rulers in the fishtank in my Biology classroom.