Gregor loved lions. In fact, his number one dream was to turn into a lion, which was closely followed by his number two dream which was to meet Jeffy from Family Circus immediately after turning into a lion. Fortunately for Gregor dreams can come true. He woke up one day to find himself a lion. Overcome with joy, Gregor leaped from his bed and ran in face to face with Jeffy, who was playing with toys on the floor. I could elaborate further, but theres no need. The future course of events are the same as Metamorphosis by Kafka, except for this particular version has been revised to be about how dreams can come true, like all good literature. Jeffy is also there to add constant lols.
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This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Metamorphosis'.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
A Poem
Larry has no money
Larry has no friends
Larry's lack of friends isn't because he has no money
Larry's lack of money isn't because he has no friends
Larry's brother Harry has no money
Larry's brother Harry has one thousand friends
Larry's brother Harry has one thousand friends because he's a good guy
Larry has no friends because he's a horrible guy
Poor Larry
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This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Poverty'.
Larry has no friends
Larry's lack of friends isn't because he has no money
Larry's lack of money isn't because he has no friends
Larry's brother Harry has no money
Larry's brother Harry has one thousand friends
Larry's brother Harry has one thousand friends because he's a good guy
Larry has no friends because he's a horrible guy
Poor Larry
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This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Poverty'.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Prosperity
It was the first time Billy had any positive attention. Fatty Mcfatfat Rich Kid Crapface Billy, as the other students called him, was always the source of ridicule in his 5th grade class. He always used his money to try to fight back, but it only made him get fun of more. But for once his money made him become an object of fascination.
It started in the morning morning after a particularly cruel mocking session. While saying the pledge, Billy said "I pledge allegiance to the hag" instead of "I pledge allegiance to the flag." The children naturally thought it was hilarious that Billy could be so stupid so they mocked him relentlessly. Billy was so upset that he threatened that if they didn't stop, no one would be invited to swim in his swimming pool of one hundred dollar bills. Since swimming in a pool of money is every child's dream, the children had to know if this was true. Billy said that they would only know if they stopped mocking him and came to his house after school. The allure of pools of money was too great. Not even the endless enjoyment of tormenting Fatty Mcfatfat Rich Kid Crapface Billy distracted them from this new wonder.
So sure enough, a swarm of children came to Billy's mansion. As they walked through the courtyards they couldn't help but wonder if the pool was actually real. If there wasn't Billy was dead. But Billy could live on, because when they came to the mansion they followed Billy to a door that led to a giant indoor swimming pool. But instead of water, the massive pool was full of one hundred dollar bills. The eyes of the children sparkled as they saw all shapes and sizes of slides, with a constant stream of money flowing down them. They swooned when the saw the diving boards plated with gold. And to add to that there was a soda fountain and a butler holding a giant platter of cookies. Everyone enjoyed the greatest day of their lives. Billy was finally popular.
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This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham,Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Prosperity'.
It started in the morning morning after a particularly cruel mocking session. While saying the pledge, Billy said "I pledge allegiance to the hag" instead of "I pledge allegiance to the flag." The children naturally thought it was hilarious that Billy could be so stupid so they mocked him relentlessly. Billy was so upset that he threatened that if they didn't stop, no one would be invited to swim in his swimming pool of one hundred dollar bills. Since swimming in a pool of money is every child's dream, the children had to know if this was true. Billy said that they would only know if they stopped mocking him and came to his house after school. The allure of pools of money was too great. Not even the endless enjoyment of tormenting Fatty Mcfatfat Rich Kid Crapface Billy distracted them from this new wonder.
So sure enough, a swarm of children came to Billy's mansion. As they walked through the courtyards they couldn't help but wonder if the pool was actually real. If there wasn't Billy was dead. But Billy could live on, because when they came to the mansion they followed Billy to a door that led to a giant indoor swimming pool. But instead of water, the massive pool was full of one hundred dollar bills. The eyes of the children sparkled as they saw all shapes and sizes of slides, with a constant stream of money flowing down them. They swooned when the saw the diving boards plated with gold. And to add to that there was a soda fountain and a butler holding a giant platter of cookies. Everyone enjoyed the greatest day of their lives. Billy was finally popular.
______________
This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham,Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Prosperity'.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Sanctuary
Many times in life we need to find a sanctuary. A way to find peace with the world, or to get away from it. When I asked of my sanctuary, whether or not I have actually been asked this question, I often give a nonchalant answer because it's a dumb question to ask someone. Perhaps if the person asking is a cool dude, it would be an alright question, but I imagine the asker is an estranged great uncle who is trying to create some sort of connection using such questions. The result can only end in failure. No one, including me can be expected to form a coherent answer to such a question, especially in front of an estranged great uncle. One thing I do know about my answer, though, is that I will never answer that question with the horrible words of "Rage Against the Machine." Perhaps that is my sanctuary.
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This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Sanctuary'.
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This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Sanctuary'.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
A Joke
1 is peacefully sitting a bench. 2, a complete stranger, sits next to him
2: Hey, wanna hear a joke?
1: No
2: Ok, here it goes. So I was in the forest the other day
1: Yeah?
2: Yeah, and there were lots of barrels
He waits for 1 to laugh. However, 1 is not amused.
2: You know, because they're both cylindrical and made of wood?
1: I still don't get it
2: You know, I thought the trees were barrels, because they were cylindrical and made of wood. It's funny
1: Why barrels?
2: Huh?
1: Why not something like pencils. They're cylindrical and made of wood.
2: Not all pencils are made of wood
1: Not all barrels are made of wood either.
2: No man, ALL barrels are made of wood.
1 sighs. 3, another complete stranger, walks up and sits on the bench
3: Hey guys! Wanna hear a joke.
2: Yeah!
3: Ok, so I went to the forest the other day.
1: Oh God.
3: Yeah, I saw lots of pencils!
2 and 3 break into laughter
2: I love that joke!
3: I know right!
2: Its even better if you say barrels instead of pencils.
3: Oh yeah!
2 and 3: Because they're all made of wood!
They share a great laugh. 1 face palms.
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This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Forests'.
2: Hey, wanna hear a joke?
1: No
2: Ok, here it goes. So I was in the forest the other day
1: Yeah?
2: Yeah, and there were lots of barrels
He waits for 1 to laugh. However, 1 is not amused.
2: You know, because they're both cylindrical and made of wood?
1: I still don't get it
2: You know, I thought the trees were barrels, because they were cylindrical and made of wood. It's funny
1: Why barrels?
2: Huh?
1: Why not something like pencils. They're cylindrical and made of wood.
2: Not all pencils are made of wood
1: Not all barrels are made of wood either.
2: No man, ALL barrels are made of wood.
1 sighs. 3, another complete stranger, walks up and sits on the bench
3: Hey guys! Wanna hear a joke.
2: Yeah!
3: Ok, so I went to the forest the other day.
1: Oh God.
3: Yeah, I saw lots of pencils!
2 and 3 break into laughter
2: I love that joke!
3: I know right!
2: Its even better if you say barrels instead of pencils.
3: Oh yeah!
2 and 3: Because they're all made of wood!
They share a great laugh. 1 face palms.
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This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Forests'.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
The Sad Tale of Gobelin.
There once was a man with the surname Gobelin. He lived in a quaint home in a quaint neighborhood. He was a good guy, and he enjoyed many things. His greatest hobby was drawing simple pictures of goblins in odd places around town, and label them with the phrase "Goblin!" It was his way of spreading peace and love.
The neighbors did not like Gobelin's goodness. They made many nasty rumors pertaining to his innocent drawings
"I found a goblin spray-painted on my driveway!"
"That's nothing, I found one drawn on my mailbox!"
"Why, the other day I found one drawn on a seat in my car!"
"I found one drawn in crayon on my bedroom wall, Gobelin must have snuck into my house!"
"Gobelin has gone mad with power! He must be stopped"
"I agree, I even think that he might be a goblin himself"
"Of course he's a Gobelin, that's his last name, isn't it?
"Well yes, but I mean a goblin as in those creatures he draws"
"Of course he's one, just listen to his name it sounds exactly like 'goblin.' He must be a spy sent by the goblins to draw a bunch of pictures of goblins so he can animate them and turn them against humanity. He must be stopped!"
"That makes perfect sense"
"That's the most true thing I've heard all day!"
"Well then, fellow neighbors, I decree that we shall arrive at Gobelins house and slay him for the good of humanity, a goblin has no right in our quaint neighborhood!"
Thus ended the life like of Gobelin. But his legacy was not done. People discovered his drawings and adopted them. The tirelessly drew the goblins wherever they went to spread the message of peace and love. And everywhere they went opposition followed. Many goblin drawers were persecuted and killed because they were accused of being goblins. Society wasn't ready for such goodness.
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This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Superstition'.
The neighbors did not like Gobelin's goodness. They made many nasty rumors pertaining to his innocent drawings
"I found a goblin spray-painted on my driveway!"
"That's nothing, I found one drawn on my mailbox!"
"Why, the other day I found one drawn on a seat in my car!"
"I found one drawn in crayon on my bedroom wall, Gobelin must have snuck into my house!"
"Gobelin has gone mad with power! He must be stopped"
"I agree, I even think that he might be a goblin himself"
"Of course he's a Gobelin, that's his last name, isn't it?
"Well yes, but I mean a goblin as in those creatures he draws"
"Of course he's one, just listen to his name it sounds exactly like 'goblin.' He must be a spy sent by the goblins to draw a bunch of pictures of goblins so he can animate them and turn them against humanity. He must be stopped!"
"That makes perfect sense"
"That's the most true thing I've heard all day!"
"Well then, fellow neighbors, I decree that we shall arrive at Gobelins house and slay him for the good of humanity, a goblin has no right in our quaint neighborhood!"
Thus ended the life like of Gobelin. But his legacy was not done. People discovered his drawings and adopted them. The tirelessly drew the goblins wherever they went to spread the message of peace and love. And everywhere they went opposition followed. Many goblin drawers were persecuted and killed because they were accused of being goblins. Society wasn't ready for such goodness.
______________
This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and WiL Whitlark of The Real McJesus. This week's theme: 'Superstition'.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
A Most Merry Disfigurement
The scene is not uncommon
A man is wistfully traveling on the path with a cart in his hands and dreams his heart. He begins whistling a merry tune and pondering the loveliness of life and the earth around him. The merry creatures of the woods join him in dance, and they have a most joyous time.
That is when some asshole comes and slits his throat. The asshole then proceeds to cut each limb off one by one, relishing in the violence. Once he is done with the corpse that was once a merry man he proceeds to slaughter each and every animal that dared to dance to a happy tune
The asshole walks off pleased with his work. Not long after, the merry man reassembles himself, as death does not exist in this particular world. He waits for the creatures to resurrect and he continues on his way, whistling a merry tune.
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This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, and William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden. This week's theme: 'Disfigurement'.
A man is wistfully traveling on the path with a cart in his hands and dreams his heart. He begins whistling a merry tune and pondering the loveliness of life and the earth around him. The merry creatures of the woods join him in dance, and they have a most joyous time.
That is when some asshole comes and slits his throat. The asshole then proceeds to cut each limb off one by one, relishing in the violence. Once he is done with the corpse that was once a merry man he proceeds to slaughter each and every animal that dared to dance to a happy tune
The asshole walks off pleased with his work. Not long after, the merry man reassembles himself, as death does not exist in this particular world. He waits for the creatures to resurrect and he continues on his way, whistling a merry tune.
______________
This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, Joseph Schlegel of Sour Mayonnaise, Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?, and William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden. This week's theme: 'Disfigurement'.
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